Sweet Child of mine
Is it my fault?
In a country where many believe the concept of ‘soulmate’ extends to not one but seven lives — Indian culture is monogamy on steroids, really — divorce has always been an uncomfortable subject. India has historically had the lowest divorce rates in the world. The latest National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data released last year showed that people chose to die in a bad marriage over the path of divorce. Between 2016 and 2020, an average of 20 people daily died by suicide due to marriage problems in India. Of the total 37,591 suicides because of marriage-related problems during this period, only 2,600 were due to divorce. So, while bad marriages might kill you, a divorce will most certainly save lives.
However, divorce is an extremely disturbing experience for children depending upon their age or maturity level. For children, separation and divorce can be an especially sad, stressful, and confusing time. It is common for children to think that they are to blame for the divorce because of the emotional and developmental stage they are in. Low self-esteem and low confidence are pre-dominant with an onset of depression and mental-health-related issues as they grapple with the adult world they don’t quite understand yet.
Sensitive Isha Arora- Communication Design Class, speculates an AI-Assisted system ‘Heather, a mental-wellness app specially designed keeping in mind the younger generation coping with this period of loss and transition. As they face the disintegration of the family unit which was till then a safe space for them. ‘Heather’ (meaning evergreen, growing plant, a symbol of protection) application provides them with a safe space where they can heal by letting out their innermost feelings without any fear of being judged or targeted. Speculating a collaboration with Mahindra — Mind@Ease, a joint venture between Tech Mahindra Foundation and Tech Mahindra Ltd’s Makers Lab. Brought to you as a Corporate Social Responsibility initiative of Tech Mahindra Ltd, it aims to provide an aggregated solution of various counselling services offered across the country.
Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for kids, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating:
- Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another someday, their parents may stop loving them.
- Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong.
- Teenagers may become quite angry about divorce and the changes it creates. They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.
As the sparring couple is consumed in their pain and embroiled in divorce proceedings, it is evident that the children’s emotions are overlooked. Isha Arora further understands the need to communicate the impact Divorce has on the mental well-being of children by speculating a communication campaign targeted strategically at teens and parents in an attempt to destigmatize the conversation around emotional health.
Research has suggested divorce can affect children socially, as well. Children whose families are going through a divorce may have a harder time relating to others and tend to have fewer social contacts. Sometimes children feel insecure and wonder if their family is the only family that has gotten divorced. Divorce can bring several types of emotions to the forefront for a family, and the children involved are no different. Feelings of loss, anger, confusion, anxiety, and many others, may come from this transition. Divorce can leave children feeling overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive. Children need an outlet for their emotions — someone to talk to, someone who will listen, etc. — children may feel the effects of divorce through how they process their emotions. In some cases, where children feel overwhelmed and do not know how to respond to the effects they feel during divorce, they may become angry or irritable. Their anger may be directed at a wide range of perceived causes. Children processing divorce may display anger at their parents, themselves, their friends, and others. While for many children this anger dissipates after several weeks, if it persists, it is important to be aware that this may be a lingering effect of the divorce on children. Children often wonder why a divorce is happening in their family. They will look for reasons, wondering if their parents no longer love each other, or if they have done something wrong.
‘Heather ‘ an AI-Assisted system that enables teens to express their emotions to a chattbot or clinical practitioner, boosting their self-esteem with positive feedback and helping them during anxiety attacks, irritability and anger bouts.
These feelings of guilt are a very common effect of divorce on children, but also one which can lead to many other issues. Guilt increases pressure, and can lead to depression, stress, and other health problems.
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, and teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” Jennifer Weiner
It’s time to tell children it’s not their fault!
Disclaimer: All creatives are hypothetical classroom projects. All rights reserved — 2022- 2023
Creative Mentor: Utkarsha Malkar — Author | Design Thinker | Creator — A desire to understand the world and to improve it always remains at the core. Design is a managed process and my quest for knowledge is subject to an inquiry of the apparent, the imagined and the recalled. As I speculate and design, my liberty of self-expression is in direct correlation to my existence and knowledge.
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